"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

"Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes."

"Even the greatest fool can accomplish a task if it were after his or her heart. But the intelligent ones are those who can convert every work into one that suits their taste."

"Let's face it...most relationships you have in life don't work out."

"The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius is limited."

"The stronger must dominate and not blend with the weaker, thus sacrificing his own greatness."

"A man can know nothing of mankind without knowing something of himself. Self-knowledge is the property of that man whose passions have their full play, but who ponders over their results."